For a variety of reasons, my school year in 2018-19 was both very rewarding and heart-breaking. I experienced some pretty heart-whelming highs and some devastating lows. While I am so very fortunate - I had and continue to have phenomenal support teams in my life: at home, at school and beyond, my year was full of changes that I had difficulty coming to grips with. (Thank you all - you make me better, and I can’t do this without you). As I head into the 2019-2020 year and into a new role - whether or not this is the case - self doubt still plagues me. Did I do right by my previous school? Do they think I tried my best? Did I try enough? Did I DO enough? Do they think I cared? Do they know I cared? Did I care enough? What about all the things I could and should have done now in retrospect? Did I make a difference for those who needed it? What about my new role? Did they hire the right person? Am I just an imposter? Do I have what it takes? Can I do this? How can I do this when I feel so incompetent? What if I make too many mistakes? Do I have the right vision, the right voice? Should they have hired one my more-talented colleagues instead? Can I make a difference that matters? For a variety of reasons, I need to turn this around or it will consume me. I mean, I know that it’s ok to be uncomfortable, but this is getting a little ridiculous. Time for a #oneword focus. One Word Idea #1 - MAKE I am big into the maker movement so my first idea was “make”. We have this word peering through the office window. If I look at that word… can I visualize…. How I can make my mindset change? How I can make a difference? How I can make the learning happen? Ummmm… not convinced. Too much to think about. One Word Idea #2 - TURN What about this one? When I look at this word… can I visualize... How I can turn the lights on? (both metaphorically and literally) Seriously. This is a thing. The first day in the new office, it took me five frantic minutes to find the light switch. HOW CAN I DO THIS JOB IF I CAN’T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO TURN ON THE LIGHTS?!?! Update: I did find the light switch. I did turn the lights on. Deep breath. One step at a time. You got this. How I can turn around my thinking - quit beating yourself up for heaven’s sake! How I can make a turn for the better - how I can turn less than optimal experiences (aka failures) into learning opportunities? Ok, I’m liking this word better. One Word Idea #3 - BE
This weekend we dog sat for my sister-in-law. Two great things came from this experience:
What if I’m overanalyzing everything? Why don’t I use this advice to guide me this year? Instead of letting those self doubts continue to pile on and overwhelm me, just take a deep breath and take it in, moment by moment. Just BE. Be the be I want to be. Breathe ...and BE. I can do this everyone. I just need to be.
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AuthorI am learner, maker and inquirer. Raspberry Pi Certified!! Archives
January 2019
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